Mr Keogh and the Roman soldiers
by Tanith Panic
Summary: A singing game in the playground that Jacob's Granny used to play, inspires Mr Keogh to give the kids a special day out to celebrate Lofty's birthday
1. Chapter 1

This is a short story based on my early FBG stories, which is why one or two people are missing… although some might be around later. Disclaimer: I do not own BBC Casualty and the past I have invented for my characters are my own.

One day as Mr Keogh walked through the Holby Mixed Infants playground, he saw the kids were playing an old-fashioned singing game just like he remembered from his own childhood.

He stood for a moment and watched.

"Oh Mr Keogh, we're not late for school, are we?" Zax asked, more or less together.

"Not at all, Zoe, you can all come in with me. I want to watch this new game of yours."

"There's not any dirty words in it" Jacob said warily.

Mr Keogh gave a half smile, which coming from him was as good as a laugh.

"I know you wouldn't sing those, Jacob. I just want to watch."

The kids were a little uneasy but wanted to play the game anyway because Jacob had got it from his Granny. Jacob's Granny knew all about funny songs and games.

The kids were divided into almost equal groups. Ethan's side had one extra player because nobody had wanted Taylor so she'd had to tag on to the end.

The song had begun already but team two were singing their response:

"Yes we're ready for a fight, eeeh eye over,

Yes we're ready for a fight, for we're the English soldiers."

The song went on to describe the fight between the English and Roman soldiers in a way that it was never written in history. From the kids hopping on one leg and singing:

"Now we've only got one leg" to the grand finale in which everybody sang:

"Now we all shall drop down dead", and proceeded to act that out, to their glorious resurrection as they jumped up and danced around:

"Now we're fit and well again."

Mr Keogh felt a temporary sadness for the way children saw battles in their innocence. Then he gave a whole smile. He'd been wondering what to organise for Lofty's forthcoming birthday. Lofty had been the ringleader of organising a surprise for his maths teacher's birthday, which had led to a great night out for all the kids, and Mr Keogh wanted to return the favour.

He clapped his hands.

"Okay, kids, everybody inside. We'll have some questions about those soldiers, all to do with sums, later in my class. But now I want to put you on trust to read your sum books while I go and talk to Mrs Beauchamp."

"Have we been bad?" Jacob asked nervously. He felt responsible because it was his Gran's song.

"Not at all, but inside now, you little monkeys."

Monkeys. A birthday that included Roman soldiers and monkeys. Perfect.

Ethan bit his lip as they waited for the mini bus. Would Mr Harper be kind yet again and let Cal come or would he say:

"No, Cal can't keep missing classes to go on trips."

Then the mini bus drove up and Ethan's heart sank – until he saw Cal with his backpack on, almost racing the mini bus down to the school carpark.

"Yay, Cal's coming!" Taylor shouted. Ethan gave her a dirty look. He didn't want Taylor to start getting ideas about copping off with Cal. If she tried, Ethan would tell Cal he knew she was a Lebsion.

Lofty's eyes opened even more widely than usual. There was a banner on the mini bus that said "Happy birthday Lofty" on it.

"Misery tour?" Max read the header on the coach, and wondered if it was about haunted stuff.

"Mystery tour, Max."

Miss Freeman was too nice to mention that Max needed to pay more attention to his reading classes and less to Zoe on a special day but she resolved to talk to him about it later.

The bus was almost ready to go when Ethan piped up:

"Sorry… I need another wee."

"Come on, little brother."

Mrs Beauchamp cut in.

"No, I'll take him and wait outside for him, Cal. This should keep the rest of you occupied till we come back.

She passed over the gift bag they'd put into her keeping to Lofty.

"Happy birthday, Ben. You open that before Ethan and I get back."

"Oh thank you" gasped Lofty, and opened the gift bag with his usual care.

It seemed to be just full of those foamy bits people put in parcels. He thought it was a joke on him so, even though he felt a bit squashed, grinned round.

"The envelope, man, get the envelope out!" Jacob shouted.

Lofty took out the envelope very carefully.

"Oh wow."

It said "Mr Benjamin Chiltern" on it, but the address was c/o Holby Mixed Infants. The kids hadn't trusted Julia, Lofty's mum, in case she got the envelope first and ripped it up to be mean.

Lofty opened the envelope carefully, during which time Zoe had to bitch-nudge (a word she'd proudly invented) Taylor who had been sneering:

"Can't even open an envelope fast!"

"It's a posh letter" Lofty said.

Mr Keogh held his hand out for the letter and read it aloud. Mr Benjamin Chiltern, care of Holby Mixed Infants, was due to receive twelve copies of his favourite alien comic… which would be sent to Mrs Constance Beauchamp; one copy every month.

"You can have the first one when you go home tonight, Ben" his headmistress smiled.

"Oh wow… thank you everybody."

"Tonight?" said Ethan, as Cal helped him up the steps of the mini bus, "It's going to be a massive day out then!"


	2. Chapter 2

Part Two

The mini bus ride was quite long but most of the kids didn't mind, because the driver was cheerful and kept telling them jokes. They stopped for a couple of breaks, one for a drinks break, and one for an extra wee break for Ethan. Taylor whined about this, but she'd whined about everything from the beginning.

"We'd better be going to the seaside" she griped.

"We're not going there, Taylor, but you're quite welcome to sit in the mini bus all afternoon" Mrs Beauchamp told her. Mrs Beauchamp was in a frisky mood as, when Ethan had gone for his wee break, she'd gone on a little walk with Miss Freeman, and they'd come back giggling.

"Ethan, sweetheart, if you want another wee break before we get to our surprise place, just shout up" Miss Freeman beamed at the little boy.

When the mini bus pulled up in a carpark in Chester, Taylor pouted again.

"What on earth are we going here for?" she grizzled.

"It's Chester! I've read about it. There's a big Roman Auntie Theatre and…" Lofty tailed off because he'd been about to say "and a zoo" but thought how awful it would be if the school couldn't afford the zoo and he'd opened big mouth.

"Auntie Theatre! You're stupid, Ben Chiltern" Taylor sniggered.

"He knows how to enjoy a day out though" the driver said with a grin. He disliked the cross little girl, but thought the other kids were decent.

"It's an amphitheatre, Ben, so you were nearly right. And there might be real Roman soldiers."

Ethan gave a little skip for pure joy. Proper Roman Soldiers!

They walked down to the amphitheatre and Mrs Beauchamp said to the kids:

"Why don't you do your song to celebrate?"

"I'm not celebrating nothing unless we go to the seaside" Taylor said.

"Good" smirked Max, "Now we can have proper equal sides, can't we, Mrs Beauchamp?"

"You can indeed. Taylor, sit over there, out of the way" Mrs Beauchamp smiled.

The kids sang 'Roman Soldiers' and were having a great time until the bit where they only had one leg. A snooty old lady said:

"Look at those horrible children, mocking the disabled."

Her companion snorted.

"Don't be ridiculous, Hester. They're playing Roman Soldiers, aren't you?"

The kids nodded.

"We used to put some extra lines in" said the nice old lady, "Like…"

And she sang loud and clear:

"We will fetch our big bull dog…"

The kids howled and sang the line which pleased the old lady. Cheeky Jacob sang:

"We will fetch our Dervla Dog."

"What a splendid name for a dog" the old lady beamed.

"She's a Lurching Dog, isn't she, Mr Keogh?" Ethan asked.

"Almost right, Ethan."

But as the kids got to the end of their game and sang the verse about being fit and well again, somebody joined in with them. A real Roman soldier.

He saluted the proper Roman way with his fist on his heart, and said:

"Greetings, young warriors. What reason do you have to come to our city today?"

"It's Lofty's birthday" Jacob told him. Lofty blushed.

"Um… I'm Ben really" he told the soldier shyly.

"Today you are the captain of your regiment, Benjaminius, because it is your special day. You must all do as he says, my friends."

"Catch me doing it for clumsy old Ben" sneered Taylor.

"Oh dear. Anybody objecting is committing treason and should be thrown to the lions" the soldier ordered.

"There aren't any lions in Chester" smirked Taylor.

"Oh, aren't there, though?" Mr Keogh said, smugly, "And we're off to see them soon."

Lofty glowed inside. They _were_ going to the Zoo!

Taylor tried to look as if she didn't care but was a bit scared in case the soldier followed them to the zoo and threw her to the lions after all.

The soldier, however, asked them to perform 'Roman Soldiers' one more time for him. Lofty managed to get knocked over in the battle and went red in shame.

"Ah, it's a brave soldier who is willing to be injured for his regiment. I salute you, Captain Benjaminus!"

Lofty saluted back. Taylor sniggered.

The soldier suddenly tapped Lofty on his chest, shoulders and stomach. It was a gentle tap.

"Now, brave Benjaminius, I have given you invisible armour so the next time some stupid person is rude, their words won't hurt you. It's just like my armour but invisible."

"Oh thank you!"

Ethan came forward hopefully.

"Please can I have some as well?"

"We'll come back on your birthday, Ethan, and then I'm sure one of these nice soldiers will sort you out" said Miss Freeman. Mrs Beauchamp rolled her eyes at the way Miss Freeman was flirting with the handsome soldier but knew once they got home, the soldiers wold be forgotten.

"For you, fair lady, I shall make that a promise. Now I must go to speak to other visitors. Enjoy your day, my friends. I am Captain Janus…" he dropped his voice a little so Miss Freeman could hear him "Real name Iain Dean. You can find me on the Ampitheatre website among the staff."

Ethan thought how pretty Miss Freeman looked when she went all pink and giggly. Cal hoped Lebsion magic couldn't be diluted if Lebsions flirted with men.

After a lunch break during which Taylor complained about everything, and the others loved it, they got back in the bus.

"Off to the zoo, then!" grinned Jack, their kind driver.

The zoo was as magical as the amphitheatre, if not more so. Lofty's eyes misted over as he saw a wildcat playing with her two kittens; Cal's gruesome mind worked overtime in glee as he saw the big pythons who could swallow people whole. He wished he could slip Taylor through the bars of their cage but then he'd be on security camera and be done for murder. Ethan got through two whole hours without needing a wee. His favourites were the lions until the food van drove by their enclosure and they roared loudly as they padded by the van, instinctively knowing it was time for them to be fed. Ethan jumped in fear and decided the panther was best after all. Jacob loved the monkeys, but not as much as he loved the big orang-outang. He bashed his chest and made orang-outang noises until Mrs Beauchamp suggested that they moved on.

Zax went all mushy in the aviary when they saw a pair of lovebirds. Mr Keogh actually laughed aloud on seeing the lemurs and then the meerkats.

"We've not seen the aquarium yet" Taylor said with a spiteful grin at Mrs Beauchamp, who she knew hated fish.

"I could take us round it" Cal said helpfully, "I'd be careful of everybody."

"Okay, thanks, Cal. Miss Freeman and I can wait behind – I mean, by – this tree until you come back out."

Cal said:

"I'm in charge unofficially but it's up to Captain Benjaminius to give the order to move forward."

"Forward, my regiment" beamed Lofty.

The kids enjoyed the fish especially the jellyfish and the electric eels, but unfortunately all that water made Ethan want another wee.

After they'd explored the whole zoo it was time for tea. They all agreed that it had been a brilliant day out except for Taylor.

"It was rubbish" she sneered.

Ethan suddenly had had enough.

"You stop being mean, Taylor Ashbie, or I'll – I'll do a big wee on your head!" he threatened. Taylor was stunned into silence and Mr Keogh punched the air.

On the way home in the bus everybody but Taylor sang Roman Soldiers, adding zoo animals for fun:

"We will fetch our Rangy Tang, eeh eye over,

He can join the Fierce Brave Gang, and be a Roman soldier" Jacob bawled happily.

Lofty was half-asleep by the time the mini bus dropped him at his door. He clutched his special copy of his new comic happily and said:

"Thank you for a wondrous day out, Mrs Beauchamp and Miss Freeman and Mr Keogh."

"You're very welcome, Ben."

"Nice little boy, that" commented Jack.

"What's that you've got in your hand?" Julia snapped.

"It's my birthday present. I get an alien comic every month" Lofty explained.

"Your mind always was on another planet" his mother sneered.

"I got a card that says I'm special, too" Lofty beamed.

"Oh, you're special all right." Julia turned the word 'special' into something nasty.

But the mean comment didn't stab into Lofty's heart as his mum's words sometimes did. His special armour had kept it out.

Besides, wait till tomorrow when Miss Honey was going to bring in a cake for him to hand round to everybody! It was Dervla Day too, so maybe she could have a piece.

A very contented little boy went to sleep.

Over in Mrs Beauchamp's house the soldier was forgotten and harmony restored. Then, just as Mrs Beauchamp and Miss Freeman drifted into sleep:

"Cal! I need to weeeeeee!"!


End file.
